The Bikes vs. Cars Debate


Ever argued with somebody that hates people who bike? Here are all the retorts I've come up with on my ride home (and not in the moment).

Argument: Why don't you people drive?

Retort: For me, it's too expensive. The average American spends nearly $10,000 a year on their car. I'd rather invest that money in my [insert self improvement plan].

Argument: Why don't you people take the bus?

Retort: The same reason you don't take the bus. It sucks.

Argument: You people don't follow the rules!

Retort: I do. (Just lieWe need to focus the argument on The New Testament without getting distracted by The Old Testament.)

Argument: Your lane slowed down my commute!

Retort: The changes to our road substantially reduced bike and pedestrian injuries. I appreciate your sacrifice for me and my family's safety. (Though it probably didn't slow down your commute...)

Argument: You people mow down pregnant women on the sidewalk! You're a menace to society! Why should I make sacrifices for you?!

Retort: The person you described isn't interested in a safe route to the grocery store. You make sacrifices for me and my family, not that person.

Argument: I'm bigger than you. I could just hit the gas.

Retort: If the sober you were on video intentionally murdering me with your car you would almost certainly face absolutely no consequences. So I appreciate your restraint. (you fucking sociopath)

Argument: You people don't pay for the roads so you don't deserve to use them!

Retort: Only 7% of transportation funding at a local level comes from user fees. I am paying for your parking.

Argument: I don't want to bike.

Retort: Then don't. 

Argument: I'd rather live on a highway than a beautiful public park!

Retort: It was nice meeting you. (I need to move to Europe...)