Ever argued with somebody that hates people who bike? Here are all the retorts I've come up with on my ride home (and not in the moment).
Argument: Why don't you people drive?
Retort: For me, it's too expensive. The average American spends nearly $10,000 a year on their car. I'd rather invest that money in my [insert self improvement plan].
Argument: Why don't you people take the bus?
Retort: The same reason you don't take the bus. It sucks.
Argument: Your lane slowed down my commute!
Retort: The changes to our road substantially reduced bike and pedestrian injuries. I appreciate your sacrifice for me and my family's safety. (Though it probably didn't slow down your commute...)
Argument: You people mow down pregnant women on the sidewalk! You're a menace to society! Why should I make sacrifices for you?!
Retort: The person you described isn't interested in a safe route to the grocery store. You make sacrifices for me and my family, not that person.
Argument: I'm bigger than you. I could just hit the gas.
Retort: If the sober you were on video intentionally murdering me with your car you would almost certainly face absolutely no consequences. So I appreciate your restraint. (you fucking sociopath)
Argument: You people don't pay for the roads so you don't deserve to use them!
Retort: Only 7% of transportation funding at a local level comes from user fees. I am paying for your parking.
Argument: I don't want to bike.
Retort: Then don't.
Argument: I'd rather live on a highway than a beautiful public park!
Retort: It was nice meeting you. (I need to move to Europe...)